This space is wide open and full of various topics. I hope you peruse and enjoy as I feature funny, serious, and all the places in between.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Holiday Season
We even cut Sean's hair for the first time! I've got his lil hair in an envelope to transport back to Maryland to his lil first haircut container...ahhh...I almost cried, too, because he looks so grown up now! (Mind you, he's only 18 months, but the point is, he's not my lil baby baby anymore...)
Anyway, I'm sitting here, with the background noise of my husband and his brothers playing with the world version of Monopoly while Sean whines at his father to give him what he really wants - his fork - and I thought I would put down a few thoughts to the online blog I've created here.
Well, for once in a long time, I'm a happy camper. It's a great feeling to be surrounded by nothing but pure love - no agendas. It's really, truly wonderful.
Second, I am really feeling my extended family right now. The Rolands are totally off the chain, in a very good, extremely wonderful, supremely positive way.
Third, I'm not really looking forward to going back to work part time at the private school in January. I want a really job, and I'm tired of not having a real one, but working like I have a full time teaching position. However, I'm not ungrateful, just a lil bit impatient, I guess.
Well, it's okay, as the boys get even louder with their Monopoly game...sheesh...they are total kids when they get together (and it's soooo funny!), because at the end of the day, I know I've got support from all these amazing people. They give me the strength to keep going, and I hope that I don't ever let any of them down.
Well, I guess that's all for now. Sorry it's so sentimental, but, that's the feeling right now.
Next time, I'll try to post a video or a slide show of Sean bloopers...they are truly hilarious! He's a character!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Oh, dag nabbit!
For the past two years, I've been looking forward to spending time with both my husband's family, and my own, but I find myself utterly and helplessly conflicted. I want to spend as much time as I can with my family as is possible and reasonable - my cousin is preparing for the birth of his first child, and I just went down that road over a year ago, so I want to help him and his sweet wife as much as I can; my youngest brother is thirteen and into everything a teenager can possibly do - sports, band, video games...wow; my other brother is preparing for law school, thinking about getting really serious with his girlfriend, and life in general; my parents are just being my parents, and the list goes on. Not to mention my friends who are just as eager to see me as I am to see them...
And, I feel that I cater a bit to my husband, considering that he's the youngest in his family and he lives the furthest away (like I don't), and all that...
but right now, I just want to curl up underneath the comforter and soft cottony sheets at my parents' house, when I know I'll be spending the entire vacation at his parents' house. It's just not fair, and I want to throw a tantrum like I'm five years old. What makes it worse is that our parents' homes are about thirty minutes away from each other...
I'll get over it though, just in time to put on my smiley face for the family....
Ahhh....
Well, I guess I'll take this time to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.
See you again soon, same time, same place. :)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
What the...?
I was recalling an incident from my teen years with my husband the other day that actually shows how much I've grown. We were discussing how I basically told off a former teacher of mine, in rare form and fashion. I didn't use a single curse word, but I did manage to slice the poor man to shreds.
I remember at the time being proud of myself for telling him off, knowing that he deserved every bit of that tongue lashing, also knowing how revered I would be amongst some of my peers for my radical stance against authority.
Now, though, looking back on that sometimes impetuous girl I was, I am embarrassed. Now, I will admit that I am not ashamed of my behavior, because I was, at the time, justly irate. However, since I have grown and matured (two very key words), I now can recognize the rebelliousness of my actions and complete lack of consideration given to the respect I owed that teacher, if only for his position of authority over me.
I guess I'm saying all of that to say this - no matter the situation and the justification of the anger or frustration you may feel, it is not right to treat someone, anyone, without respect, even if you disagree with their point of view, lifestyle, or anything else about them.
Just wanted to drop some knowledge about something I was thinking about. I know I'm not the wisest or even the smartest, but, perhaps, I hope this can be of help to someone.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Writing...
My goal, my hope, my prayer is that people all around the world will read what I write and it will provoke them to either thinking and conversations with others that are meaningful and give them an opportunity for growth, or that they are positively impacted in some way and what I have written changes their lives for the better.. That's really what I hope I can accomplish by all this writing.
I do want to entertain, inform, and inspire, but mostly, I hope that people can get a sense of understand and acceptance from what I write, for instance, like one of my characters might speak to someone, and that person might say, "hey, that's me she's talking about", or "hey, I know someone just like this..."
I truly hope that the words I write and the thoughts I give birth to do good to people all over, across the world, and that I get an opportunity to interact with people who have read what I've written and get feedback from them about what I have written.
I hope to elevate the collective consciousness, not necessarily in an activist sort of way, but in a way that causes people to reach out to others in their communities, to become more neighborly, to spark intelligent conversations amongst people of different backgrounds and cultures.
I hope to do this each and everyday. That's why I love to write. That's why I want to write. That's why, hopefully, in the very near future, people will hear me, through my works. And, although I want to be sold in several languages and published all over, it's not about that. It's about making somebody's life better by something I've written.
I really want that to happen. I really want to accomplish something like that for the greater good of all mankind.
So, here I go. Off to perfect my craft and hone my skills. I hope to see you reading my materials one day, proud to know that you knew me when I just had a lil ole blog and a few short stories I was working on.
Thank you so much for reading. You don't know how much it means to me.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Keeping up Appearances and bull#@$%!
"Don't rock the boat", "Go ahead and accept this person's friend request because you don't want anybody to think that you are mad or anything", "Make sure you speak to that person when you go to this function because you don't want anybody thinking you have a problem with them".
People say these well meaning things, partly to keep people out of their business, but, really, I'm not interested in all that anymore. I have to admit, I used to live in a world, a social network of my life where appearances were better than reality sometimes. It was better for people to think that you and former friends were still friends because it kept everything nice and even. People didn't feel like they couldn't talk to you or whatever else about certain subjects or people because you were keeping up appearances of "normalcy".
I'm so over all of that. If we aren't friends after 11 years, then we still aren't friends. If I see you on Facebook or Myspace or any other place, or I run across your e-mail, or a mutual friend says, "hey, here's so-and-so's number and e-mail, you should keep in touch", I'm probably not interested.
However, because of what's been ingrained in our upbringing, my husband tells me, "do it, and hush, because you need to 'keep up appearances.'"
Wow.
There we are, back at that again.
Maybe one day I'll be able to pretend to care less and fake my way through things that others may perceive as me having feelings about something so that I can properly "keep up appearances".
And, maybe, one day people will stop caring. I hope that happens first.
Loss of a Legend
I recently learned of the passing of an amazing, phenomenal woman who gave birth to another amazing, phenomenal woman. My sister, friend, mentor, and teacher, Dr. C. Anderson lost her mother, the late Mrs. H. Beal. I found out this unsettling and earth moving news on just a couple of days before Thanksgiving this year.
Although I did not have many interactions with Mrs. Beal, the few I did have were full of impact on my life. I was a teenager when I first met her, and she was, as a favor to her daughter, Dr. C., teaching me and another of my friends how to sing this song written by Andre Crouch, entitled Thanks (To God be the Glory).
I was immediately impressed by the playing and singing of this woman, this mother of one very strong and intelligent woman, and grandmother to another, whom I hear is becoming quite the young lady these days...
She made me feel, in just that one meeting of playing and learning the piano, that I could do anything. That I could be anything I wanted to be. She inspired me.
I know that might sound corny, but, I think we all have moments when we meet people, even if only for a brief time, that change our lives, our perspectives, and give us something of themselves that we will carry with us forever.
This is how I feel about this amazing and phenomenal educator, lover of children, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, doting grandmother (and she loved them so!), and follower of Christ.
I pray for the strength of her family, and I know she's in a much better place. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to know her.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Giving thanks...
I have been thinking a lot about how I love Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday, and not because it occurs during my birth month, but because of the reason for it. It's a day to reflect upon all the things that are wonderful and good in our lives, something we don't do often enough, something that we should probably do at least once a week instead of once a year. Shoot, maybe we should do it every single day!
I'm not talking about stuffing your face until you fall into a coma or someone has to roll you out of the dining room into the bathroom, but reflecting on what's good and amazing in each of our lives.
I am so thankful for all of my family and friends - the old and the new, the lost and the found, the ones I see and speak to often, and the ones that I should keep up with better.
I am so thankful for the love of my life and our beautiful son, who is a miracle in and of himself, because he almost wasn't here...
I'm thankful for brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, and all the wonderful familial relationships in between, the ones we are tied to by blood and the ones we are tied to by our hearts and spirits.
I'm so thankful for the different things I know I can do, my various hobbies, being able to teach again, singing, writing, laughing, crying, standing up for myself, encouraging others to love themselves more, and all the gifts, talents, skills and abilities I possess.
I'm thankful for differences, in appearance, opinion, for friends who fight so I can stay home safe, for family who risks life so others can keep theirs...
I'm thankful for any and everyone that's ever read anything I've ever written and gotten a different perspective, walked away feeling better about themselves after reading, or any other positive outcome.
I'm thankful for the freedom to express myself, and hopefully to help others do the same.
I'm thankful for life, for living, and for loving the life I have. I'm thankful for every morning I wake up, knowing that it's a fresh day with no mistakes in it (paraphrasing from my favorite fictional character, Anne of Green Gables).
And I'm thankful for dreams, knowing that one day soon, I'll be able to share my writing with the world, and have the chance to touch and affect change in people's lives for the better because of that.
And, thank you, for reading.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Facing fears and growing in the process...
XYZ? No, XYM - eXamine Your Motives
Monday, November 17, 2008
Whatever, man...
We are a family...
It is hard for me to be away from them through hard times and good ones - I missed Anthony's high school graduation, for example - but no matter what, I am always received with open arms and an "I missed you so". Soon, I will be making another big move (starting a family of my own), and I will miss more events...but deep in my heart, these people are me, and there cannot be a stronger bond - our love will continue to keep us together, and I thank God for blessing me with such love.
Rock on, Watsons, rock on.
This is for the big girls
Anyway, this particular mood was brought on by weeks, actually, of this feeling I've been having. I normally take a particular pride in my style of being. I've gotten better over the years with my "image" if you will, and although those of you who knew me in high school KNOW I used to dress and dress well, in college, I relaxed my style a bit...
And let's just say that carried over slightly into my "grown-up" world, but not entirely. Usually, I still arrived the most dressy person in a crowd, and that never really bothered me...I mean, why not? Dressing well is nice, and we should care enough about us to do it, right?
Okay, so, that brings us to the present. I am a walking, talking, HOT MESS. I look HORRIBLE. And I'm not going to blame my pregnancy for me walking around with my nails not looking right or my toes (which will be done this weekend, thank you), or my eyebrows. No, it's not my heighted state of hibernation, or extra sleep. I think that somewhere along the way I've gotten just...
COMPLACENT.
Oh, that's an ouchie. I honestly haven't seen my stylist, Mirna (shout out to the Locs Studio!) in over six weeks. So, you know my hair is frizz and kink central.
It's all dry and whatnot cuz I haven't bothered to treat my own hair, which I could do...
And I'm sure that part of my complacency is that my mate is rarely around. Usually, I'm into getting him "gussied up" and lookin' good, to match me, of course. :) But, since I don't see him that often, and it's just me looking at me, I've let a lot of things go...
Thank God I believe strongly in personal hygiene, cuz maybe I'd skip a shower on the weekends if I could get away with it on my sleepin' in days...(but I haven't gone that far down the road, folks...)
All in all, I am beating myself up a lil bit for letting myself go this far down a dowdy, frumpy, "fat 'n happy" pathway. It's not me. I'm a diva. Divas don't do dowdy, frumpy, or lumpy.
Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't still be beautiful. And, hell, if I start giving a flyin' flip, maybe I'll feel a lil more beautiful, and I would like that. Normally I feel like that lil girl on Willy Wonka that turned into a blueberry (except I'm a "goldenberry") or a big, round, yellow smiley face (with an extra dimpled chin...).
Okay, just wanted to sound off on that...my goal is to do better, day by day...and hopefully, in getting regular pedis (which I try to do every two weeks...my toes MUST be cute, sorry) and taking more time to enjoy my pregnancy and pamper myself I'll rediscover that inner pretty girl that I just found out about a few years ago anyway...
Ahhhh...here's to finding my prettyness again...and letting go of my big Bertha mentality.
Peace.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Smileyface
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
Today's word of the day is
Saturday, November 15, 2008
From the Archives - "I wanna be with...YOU"
Here's the chorus...
And our love goes 'round and 'round,
Way up high,
A joyride,
We can touch the stars above,
We found love...
And our love was Heaven Sent,
From the day,
We first met,
We've got something they can't touch,
We found love....
So...I've been thinking about where I am...and where I am going...and who I love...and who I want to be in my life, and part of my life...and there is you. What has happened? Why do I feel the way I want to feel for you when I think of....someone, somewhere else?
When I go out, or when I meet someone who catches my attention somehow...something about that person or place reminds me of a place we once knew, or once visited, or once had together. I've gone and been other places...and still think of you. People remind me of the things that used to be - and I long for the days of old when you would walk into a room, and nothing in that room held any interest for me, but you. Only you.
I miss feeling my heart skip a beat, or the butterflies, or you taking my breath away...and I believe that it should always be that way....
When someone else touches me the way that I wish you would, sometimes, I think of what happened to pull us apart. Trust broken. Hearts torn...lives forever changed in the process. Lots of growing up.
My rose-colored glasses will be gone forever.
And even though I will ALWAYS believe the glass is half full, I can understand and empathize with the person who sees it half empty, or a wholly full glass with air and liquid...
I like the feelings that I feel when I'm with other people...and the person I am...more like the real me...and that bothers me only in that our lives are about to change in a major way...and I shouldn't feel this way when we are entering a brand new chapter in our lives...
But what else can I do? Except walk away...and you won't let that happen.
I love you...I miss being in love...
So, I pose a question to YOU...where do we go from here?
Do you even know who YOU are? Will YOU ever know that I'm talking about YOU? YOU may not even read this...
I just wanna be with....YOU.
From the Archives - "Putting things behind me"
I was on MySpace this morning or late evening, depending on your schedule, and I came across an old college classmate's page. Seeing that this person was engaged and had just had a baby, like me. Looking at the page made me have an old familiar pang, and I thought to myself, 'why am I still thinking about this? where, indeed, did this come from? i've got a wonderful life with a wonderful guy and a beautiful baby boy...' |