What in the hell...

is really going on? I suppose I should say, to be more accurate, "What in the Earth...?" but, that's just about corny. So, I'll go with the expression that has been crafted and handed down through the years to describe confusion, frustration, and many other things as well, instead.

Right now, in this very moment, I have two very bright spots in my life. They are Dray and Sean. Now, this doesn't discount any of my other family members, it's just that I see these two everyday. And, since I see them everyday, and they are my husband and son, respectively, they are the biggest and brightest.

Especially when each day just seems to get more and more mundane. I'm so tired. I am. This struggle is starting to get to me. Robbing Peter to pay Paul? - I'm so over it. I'm tired of not having just enough to go get a new pair of pants (which I and Dray desperately need - at least one pair each), or a new phone (because my replacement is acting like it wants to short out...), or deciding whether to pay the lights or the water or the cable because we need internet access to look for and apply to jobs. The stress of whether or not we'll make rent has my back all in knots. I haven't gotten my hair done properly by a stylist in over six months, I think, and, although I miss getting my brows done and my pedis, I definitely prefer putting gas in the car. I've stopped working out (yeah, but I do commit to get back to it this week), I've started 'stress eating', and I'm wanting to cry at the drop of a hat, so I'll watch a movie and blame my tears on the movie to play it off. I can't let Dray see me like that...it would break him a little bit.

I know God is preparing us for something amazing. The thing is, the waiting part. The waiting and the struggling is so hard. It's really, really, really hard. Sometimes it is very difficult to enjoy the little things, and recognize the small moments of happiness or the beautiful things we discover each day.

However, I AM an optimist, so I try really hard. For example, each day, Sean is getting more and more verbal. There are whole phrases of things he says to us that are almost crystal clear. It is so exciting! And, he has begun mimicking every thing we say. So, that means we have had a hasty clean up of our language (and trust me, we are still working on that in some areas!).

Also, the lil kids at my school really like having me as a teacher. I wouldn't say I'm overly affectionate or even that nice to them, but they love me. I love them, too. That's why I'm not so nice. Kids need structure and order, discipline and rules. It helps them figure out what to do on their own when they get older. When they don't have anyone saying or showing them "this is appropriate social behavior" or "this is appropriate and respectful behavior towards others", they can create lots of problems for themselves.

Each of us has a choice to do the right thing or the easy thing. I hope and believe I'm helping them to choose the right thing. :)

Of course, with that being said, there are still some lil knuckleheads out there. You just love them, try to teach them the best you can, and keep moving on.

Positively, there is also my small group (yay! I love y'all!), my music ministry (thanks for letting me sing with y'all!), and folks like Nae, Shona, June, and others...

See? I can find some other bright spots besides my husband and son.

But, my reality is tough. Now, I'm not whining or complaining, I'm just telling it truthfully. God is good. Life is hard sometimes. Right now, it's really hard.

Just please, keep us in your prayers, and, thanks for reading.

Don't worry. We will never give up. We will always continue to reach upward and push forward. :)