This just sucks

Right now, I'm feeling absolutely sorry for myself. I'll get over myself in a couple of days, I'm sure. I don't feel well, compounded by the fact that my husband will be working non stop on our anniversary this Saturday, and I have nothing to look forward to in the way of a vacation or a break until Christmas. I'm so tired, and I need a friend. I just wanna cry.

And the thing is, I don't necessarily want to talk about it, because I don't want to sound like I'm whining or that I can't take a little adversity.

I'm just tired, and I need a break. I need a big one. Some relief, and a huge bag of money (preferably filled with hundred dollar bills).

Well, that's all I've got right now. I guess I'll go cry in a corner now.

Peace.

Totally Disconnected

So, I've been realizing that in the course of my blogging, most of my blogs have been about what's going on in my relationships. I suppose that's normal, especially when, right now, all I want to do is find something funny or witty to say and I can't. I really can't.

I'm feeling a lot like an alien. Like I'm not from here, nor do I belong here. When I say here, I'm referring to Maryland, and the life here in general.

I've been here for almost four years now, and even I cannot believe it. Within these four years, I have made only two or three friends that I truly love and know are truly my friends. One of them moved away to Florida, so that leaves me with what - one or two?

I want to reach out more and actually have tried some, not a lot, to reach out to others, but I don't really see anyone reaching back out to me.

I know that I'm a mommy, and my son comes first (and with me, almost everywhere I go...believe me, I'm really over it, and would LOVE to have a baby sitter on call...). And, I'm happily married, so I enjoy being with my husband.

However, that doesn't mean that I don't need or want girlfriends in my life.

In fact, when I see other people I try to get to know or at least see on a regular basis enjoying each other's company and having a good time, I feel excluded and alone, like being all by myself in a crowd of people.

It's not that anyone has done anything to make me feel this way, it's that it is the way I feel.

I've said it time and again, I'm so tired of being alone. Really. I know I'm not alone because God is always there, but, as I've said to Him on many occasions, it's nice to have a physical flesh and blood person to hold on to.

I guess I'll keep looking....

I've been neglectful.

My apologies to all, and here's what's going on right now. So, I'm a little bit overwhelmed because my classes started, and I mean full force - I've got two (2) three credit hour classes which meet three times a week - one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the other class meets on Wednesdays.

I'm finishing up the last weeks of school with my students, and I'm going to be missing them because I will not be returning to that school in the fall...as far as I can see, anyway...

And, I'm getting frustrated over our Biggest Loser challenge because people were so gung-ho in the beginning, and now, five weeks into the process, I'm barely getting weigh-ins from folks. So far, my brother from another mother, Jerry, is WHOOPING our butts - he's lost over four percent of his body weight thus far. That's a big deal.

Anyway, I'm going to see how my progress is going, as promised, and post my measurements yet again. So, here's what they used to be - the last time I gave them to you, of course.

Chest - 52.25"
Waist - 56.5"
Hips - 56.5"
Arm (Left) - 15.75"
Arm (Right) - 16"
Thigh (Left) - 27"
Thigh (Right) - 27.5"

Now, here's the new ones:

Chest - 50.25"
Waist - 55"
Hips - 52"
Arm (Left) - 16"
Arm (Right) - 16.25"
Thigh (Left) - 26.625"
Thigh (Right) - 27"

Holy moly, ladies and gentlemen!!!! I'm calculating a total loss of 8.375 inches!!!! Oh My Gosh!!!

Well, I'm doing something really right...and I'm gonna keep going. Ain't no stoppin' me now!!!!

Keep watching and reading...I promise to amaze you!

Still....

I guess it's safe to say that I'm still dealing with the loss of my uncle. I'm so glad he is no longer in pain and is awaiting the calling of his name by God, on that great "gettin' up morning" as the old folks like to say (especially in the country). :)

I just wanted to post a blog for the sake of posting and letting everybody out there know I'm okay, and so is my family. Thanks for all the love and support.

I want to write sooo much, but I can't get my fingers and brain in alignment for some reason tonight. I've got to go make sure my son hasn't torn down the entire living room area where he keeps his toys - really, where I make him put his toys. :)

Good night, and hopefully I'll have something funny or humorous to write about soon...I sure hope I do...sheesh!

Love your family

I've been trying to sit down and write, actually, for several days now, but I just couldn't bring myself to blog because I would be rambling and just roaming from one thought to the next. I want my blogs to generally start and end somewhere, so, I stayed away for as long as I could.

I just can't avoid the inevitable. I must write. This must happen. So, I'll start from my point of wandering and try to bring it to a neat and polished closure.

My uncle died on Wednesday evening, at approximately 9:30pm, while I was in rehearsal, as I usually am on Wednesdays. My mother called me about 10:30, as I was on my way home from rehearsal, and she let me know he had passed. She called me Tuesday to inform me that he was dying and they were just really waiting to hear the news.

I cried as much as I could possibly cry and not have my poor husband concerned for my mental health. In other words, true to Watson form, I cried for about 10 minutes, or less, and then I was finished. Well, in front of him, anyway. I spent the rest of the day crying in spurts on Tuesday, just making sure that I was alone.

In times like these, I'm the type of person that wants to be alone, brooding, if you will, reminiscing with my thoughts and all the things I would have wanted to say or the scenarios that I wish would have happened. This is truly the case with my uncle.

My uncle, who was in his early 50s, was my father's older brother. Since it was just the two of them, they were very close growing up. As they got older, though, something happened.

I don't know what that something was, but I believe it involved my grandparents, and my uncle pulled away, if that's the best way to describe it, from the family. I don't know why, but I'm positive the family pulled away a little from him, too.

For years, I never really met my uncle, nor did I really know him, but I talked to him occasionally on the phone. My father and mother decided one year, along with my mom's sisters, my mom's mom (my other grandma), and my dad's parents that all us kids and grownups should visit Florida. Take a trip to Disney world. And, since my uncle and his family lived about an hour away from Orlando, we would stay with them.

This was the first time I remember meeting my cousins in the flesh. I've been told stories about how we used to stay with my Granma and PaPa together, but I don't remember. I was too young.

I loved them instantly, and I think they really liked us, too. It was great knowing I had a girl cousin my age, especially since I was surrounded by all the boys - my brother and my aunt's sons - on the trip. In fact, we became pen pals and wrote each other almost religiously throughout our middle school years and into high school. We lost touch a bit once we got to college, and then, nothing for years, to this very day, actually. We even got married within a month of each other. And we're born about a week apart. How's that for uncanny.

The same thing started to happen with my uncle again, but some very key things kept that from turning into years without contact. My grandparents started visiting him and his family in Florida. I was very happy about that. My uncle kept planning on coming to Texas to visit us. He never quite made it, though. I think I was upset about that for a while. And, through a few other incidents within the family, he began to keep in touch with us a little better.

In fact, he started coming to one of our annual traditions - the Mother's Day reunion. It was always so wonderful to see him and my Aunt Mary - they would even bring friends with them, but my cousins never came. I was saddened by this, but I came to understand that there was some rift between them and my uncle. I don't know the whole story, nor do I need to, but, it kept them away for a long time.

Now, as I prepare my own family to embark on a trip to say my final goodbyes to my uncle, I am thinking of how bittersweet this all is. For the first time in life, I will be meeting my cousin, Julius, whom I have never known, nor know anything about, and is my uncle's oldest child. And, all my cousins will be there - 'Neka, Man, and Carlos. And, hopefully, their families, too, whom I have also never met.

To be so close in bloodline, we know nothing, really, of each other, just a few memories here and there. This must change.

Please, friends, don't be like me. Not really knowing your first cousins, so much so that you would pass them on the street and not know who they are. Learn of your people, your family, your heritage. Love them, and know that even if you have differences in beliefs, religion, or anything else, you are family, you belong to each other.

God gave us all to each other to love and to care about and for one another.

Never forget that. And, please, learn from my family. I hope that we can build bridges and make those connections that exist and last for our children. Family is super important, and I think we've forgotten that in this society and culture we live in. Love your family, friends.

Love your family.

What is the deal...

with people who say they will show up for something, or participate in something, and then, at the last minute, after all the bows have been tied, money has exchanged hands, and places have been reserved, do people call to cancel, or, even worse, just not show up and not even call???!!!

I feel that is one of the most disrespectful things to do, and it shows something of your character. I understand that things happen at the "last minute" that are pressing and require immediate attention, but those rarities are few and far between. It's those jokers who RSVP and who promise over and over that they will be there, the ones that you count for, even if you feel like maybe you shouldn't, but you want to be safe, so you do anyway, that mess it all up.

That is the only thing that gives me pause about planning events or get-togethers because people flake out on you at the "last minute", with no good excuse, or even so much as a courtesy call.

Even if you don't have that much respect for yourself, try to have some for your reputation and either call if you truly have had a situation or circumstance that prevents you from attending an engagement you have given your word to attend, OR, at the very most, keep your word and show up for the event, even if only for a few minutes, to show that you are a person of integrity.

Yes, people, it is the little things. Really, it is.

Moving on...

Well, today, I was at small group, my one actual delight out of the week, besides singing on Sundays and church, too, and we were all discussing things that we are compelled to do, things we have been weighed down by, things that we would change, if money and such were no object...and it was really great. I really enjoyed everyone's comments, their viewpoints on things, and, in general, just having the opportunity to be among my peers and have open conversation about spiritual matters and practical ones, too.

A special shout out goes to Jamie, who I was SUPER EXCITED to see today, especially since I haven't seen her since before her trip. Yay! I think we think a lot alike...she just says it so much better than I do. But, I like writing, so maybe I write better than I speak? Hopefully so...

Anyway, I'm going to take Jamie's advice today, and make an accomplishment list of things that I've actually done in my lil lifetime. I say lil because I definitely haven't been here on the earth long enough to think I'm old, no matter what my younger brother says. ;P

This list is going to serve as my motivation to continue to try to get that leg over the edge and get out of my boat! So, here it goes...

My Accomplishments

1. Singing in concert at church at the age of 3 or 4, I think. I definitely traveled and sang with my grandfather, Reverend Charlie Watson, when I was 3 and 4.
2. Being able to write in cursive at age 5. That's just neat.
   
3. Winning the lunch with the principal contest at Bruce Shulkey Elementary in 1st grade.
   
4. Being invited to participate in the first E.A.G.L.E. class held at my school.
   
5. Writing my first play in the third grade. It was about a flower garden. I also directed.
   
6. Being the top five in the nation in Bible Verse Memory at the National Baptist Convention of America. That was sooooo crazy being on stage in front of all of those people...
   
7. Becoming captain of my church's drill team. I was elected by my peers, and that meant a lot to me that they trusted me to be a good leader.
8. Having a book "published" in my elementary school library.
   
9. Becoming a Mustang Wrangler! Wow, who remembers that? I was a captain, too.
10. Winning the first talent show ever held at my elementary school.
    
11. Going to regionals for extemporaneous speaking in 7th grade, and for my poem recitation of one of my favorite Shel Silverstein poems about a sad clown who was accidentally funny.
12. Getting inducted into the National Junior Honor Society, and before I left Crowley schools, joining band and playing the clarinet.
13. Being in Mr. Spangler's band in 8th grade.
    
14. Meeting Ms. Paula Bledsoe, and having her get me into debate and geography contests...our debate team was hottt! And I got second place in the geography contest I entered. :)
15. Becoming a YFC at the end of my freshmen year of high school.
16. Winning various awards in Spanish at the Language Fair my junior year.
    
17. Meeting Mrs. Batlle and Mrs. Murray and having them as teachers.
    
18. Being a finalist for the National Merit scholars. I was a National Commended Scholar.
    
19. Becoming a National Merit Scholar. And a Superintendent Scholar. And a four year Tandy Scholar.
    
20. Being a Natural Helper, mentoring kids, and other volunteer activities.
    
21. Being a band section leader two years in a row.
22. Becoming co-editor on the Newspaper staff in high school, and getting some great editorial pieces. I was also on the Yearbook staff.
23. Taking 7 AP tests, and passing 5 of them. I became an AP Scholar, a pretty decent award given in each state...I just wasn't traveling to Austin to pick up my plaque.
24. Organizing a "fan drive" for the elderly at my church, asking stores and church members for donations to keep the older folks with older homes (meaning no AC) cool during the summer!
25. Completing the Transformation Program. This program changed my life for the better, and really made me think about the person I wanted to be.
26. Getting scholarships to just about every college I applied, including full scholarships from FAMU, University of Alabama, Washington University, NCA&T (My alma mater), Howard University, Dartmouth, and the list goes on...
27. Graduating in four years with two degrees - a B.A. in Spanish and a B.S. in Industrial and Systems Engineering. Yup. Praise God, and I graduated Cum Laude (with honors).
28. Making the Dean's List all four years of college.
29. Being inducted into Alpha Lambda Delta honor society, Sigma Delta Pi honor society, the IE honor society, and the Golden Key honor society.
    
30. Marching in the Blue and Gold Marching Machine - I loved that band. I learned so much by being a member of this organization.
31. Becoming clarinet section leader in the Blue and Gold Marching machine. Again, a position I was given, not one I asked for, and I was overwhelmed and honored.
32. Auditioning for and making the Award winning Gospel Choir at NCA&T. I just never actually joined. My loss. :(
33. Running the Algebra Lab for BCDI-Greensboro. I was asked to do it after only one year of volunteering.
    
34. Getting a full fellowship to the University of Michigan for graduate studies in Engineering.
35. Getting my first full-time job as an engineer. I was so proud that day.
36. Becoming a volunteer for the Tarrant County Women's Center.
    
37. Becoming a Fort Worth Jaycee, and being put in charge of the Habitat for Humanity project.
38. Becoming a teacher.
39. Meeting the guy God meant for me, and making a committment to him.
40. Becoming a Mommy.
41. Having really good friends who love me and challenge me to be better.
42. Being a big sister to two really great guys. I love you!
43. Having a relationship that is constantly growing with my parents.
44. Auditioning for and making Zion's P&W team. I overcame some serious fears.
45. Teaching Sean to say "please" and "thank you" and the clean up song...and he cleans!

...more accomplishments to come, but for now, I'll be continuing to move on...