Politics and Bull$%@!

So...

I've been an idiot. I've been on Facebook, quite addicted, I must say, and I've been looking at former friend's pages and pictures, like a dummy. I've also been looking at pages of people who I'm supposed to be friends with, well, so I thought, and seeing all this activity that I was so unaware of.

I guess I was feeling really left out, looking at the pictures and comments and so on, and so forth.

I got really sad about it. Then really angry. Then sad again.

Sad at first because I was hurt by not being included - not a phone call, text message, voice message, e-mail, invitation, post card, facebook post on my wall or in my inbox - nothing.

Then really angry because I've been a friend. I'VE BEEN A FRIEND. Friends deserve to know stuff like that, unless people don't consider them friends. So, I guess I've been putting in time, work, etcetera for nothing. NOTHING.

Then sad again because I realized that being angry accomplishes nothing, and, in all honesty, there is nothing I can do about it. Really. Nothing. So....

I'll be getting over it pretty soon. There is no need to dwell on things like that.

But, as always, it's so interesting to me that people feel compelled to hide their true feelings/thoughts in order to preserve someone else's sense of a situation or circumstance.

I think sometimes, if you know something, you should not disclose that you know if you have no intentions of divulging that information. It is fine to keep a secret. I think it is tacky to admit you know a secret but will not share it. IF you are being held to something told you in confidence, than DON'T tell it! And don't act like you know. Be aloof and discreet.

I say this, not to judge, but to tell, from my own personal experience, what I have found to be true. I have done the former things - I have said, not literally, but figuratively "I know something you don't know". I have admitted I know something but I wouldn't share it. I have been held to things in confidence that I have told others. And I have acted like I knew something, but I just didn't say what.

I was immature. In some instances, I was a young adult, and that made it worse because I should have known better by then, but I felt compelled for some reason to tell someone something they had no business knowing. I WAS IMMATURE.

Trust me, I've learned the very, very hard way, that it is always best to keep your mouth shut.
The sad part about that was, I was never a real blabber mouth as a kid. I guess I got caught up in foolishness, and I adapted, albeit in a negative way, to my surroundings - friends, situations, and places.

I've lost friends, very close and dear to me, over political moves like secret keeping, selective secret telling, and "he said she said" and all of those types of moves for people with political aspirations of getting close to certain people, whatever their motives might have been.

I've lost opportunities and relationships because of bull$%@! like "she said..." even if I didn't say, but people believed I said because I "couldn't keep my mouth shut". None of these things had to be true, but someone just had to have one story that sounded good enough to be true.

Unfortunately, I'm still dealing with this in the grown up world. The ever present political world is not just in Washington, D.C. It's everywhere. There are cliques within your school, your group of friends (especially if there are four or more of you), your workplace, your family (you know this is true), and even your church - maybe especially your church.

How can you navigate through the sea of political turmoil without getting involved in the mess yourself?

Well, I'm learning, albeit in some cases very slowly, to keep your mouth firmly glued shut. Speak when spoken to. Make polite conversation. Dig deeper if you feel the spirit urging you on. Make friends, but show yourself trustworthy. Don't repeat everything you hear, and be very selective about what you say. Smile.

I'm getting to the point where I have really big ears and a much smaller mouth. My parents used to tell me when I was younger that my mouth would get me in trouble one day. IT DID. And, I can promise you, I've learned.

As much as it hurts, I guess, in many situations I will be in throughout my life, I will have to be content being on the outside looking in. That "alone in a crowd" feeling will never go away. I am going to have to try really hard to just be okay with that. I accept it. I just have to get to the point where that is okay. Right now, I want better than that, but right now it's all I got. I've just got to let that be.

I just want to be free of all the politics and bull$%@!. Doesn't look like that will ever happen.