Thursday, June 23, 2016

What is wrong with me????

I need, want, and crave your attention. I live for five seconds of your time. This cannot begin to satisfy me and I long for more. I LONG FOR MORE. Desperately, hungrily, I search to check my phone to see if I have missed your call. I am worse than an addict going through withdrawal. I want you. I need you. Just to hear your voice and to talk to you makes me right. My body relaxes and my blood pressure returns to normal. You stabilize me. How is this possible when I have someone I love with my whole life and soul and heart and mind? Or is this a lie and are YOU the one I truly love? Why can't I get you out of my head? My heart? My everything? Why does this separation feel like punishment? What did I do wrong? Don't you want me? Am I not good enough for you? I need to know.

My desire borders obsession and I stalk you, silently, without you knowing. Behind the scenes on every social media outlet you habitat, I am there. Looking to see if you wrote anything,  checking to see if you might possibly be thinking of me....

Do you ever think of me? Am I the only one who can't eat, sleep, or drink without checking to see if you've called or texted? Do you smile when you see I have called? Does your mouth make that grin only you can make when your phone beeps because of a text from me?
If I don't call, do you worry?

Did you ever love me? Do you love me now? Have you ever been in love with me? Do you miss me at all?

...what is wrong with me? Why do I care so much when you make it so clear? I am so foolish when it comes to you. I embarrass myself to the point of shame. What is wrong with me???

You might be the death of me....I have to find a way to get over you.

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