The Holiday Season

This time of year, Christmas with the families has been amazing thus far. There has been no infighting or bickering, with the exception of some Christmas Eve and early Christmas Day drama, and all have enjoyed themselves thoroughly.

We even cut Sean's hair for the first time! I've got his lil hair in an envelope to transport back to Maryland to his lil first haircut container...ahhh...I almost cried, too, because he looks so grown up now! (Mind you, he's only 18 months, but the point is, he's not my lil baby baby anymore...)

Anyway, I'm sitting here, with the background noise of my husband and his brothers playing with the world version of Monopoly while Sean whines at his father to give him what he really wants - his fork - and I thought I would put down a few thoughts to the online blog I've created here.

Well, for once in a long time, I'm a happy camper. It's a great feeling to be surrounded by nothing but pure love - no agendas. It's really, truly wonderful.

Second, I am really feeling my extended family right now. The Rolands are totally off the chain, in a very good, extremely wonderful, supremely positive way.

Third, I'm not really looking forward to going back to work part time at the private school in January. I want a really job, and I'm tired of not having a real one, but working like I have a full time teaching position. However, I'm not ungrateful, just a lil bit impatient, I guess.

Well, it's okay, as the boys get even louder with their Monopoly game...sheesh...they are total kids when they get together (and it's soooo funny!), because at the end of the day, I know I've got support from all these amazing people. They give me the strength to keep going, and I hope that I don't ever let any of them down.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Sorry it's so sentimental, but, that's the feeling right now.

Next time, I'll try to post a video or a slide show of Sean bloopers...they are truly hilarious! He's a character!

Oh, dag nabbit!

I am soooooo freakin' tired. I've been cleaning and packing in anticipation of our ten day stay at home with our families for Christmas.

For the past two years, I've been looking forward to spending time with both my husband's family, and my own, but I find myself utterly and helplessly conflicted. I want to spend as much time as I can with my family as is possible and reasonable - my cousin is preparing for the birth of his first child, and I just went down that road over a year ago, so I want to help him and his sweet wife as much as I can; my youngest brother is thirteen and into everything a teenager can possibly do - sports, band, video games...wow; my other brother is preparing for law school, thinking about getting really serious with his girlfriend, and life in general; my parents are just being my parents, and the list goes on. Not to mention my friends who are just as eager to see me as I am to see them...

And, I feel that I cater a bit to my husband, considering that he's the youngest in his family and he lives the furthest away (like I don't), and all that...

but right now, I just want to curl up underneath the comforter and soft cottony sheets at my parents' house, when I know I'll be spending the entire vacation at his parents' house. It's just not fair, and I want to throw a tantrum like I'm five years old. What makes it worse is that our parents' homes are about thirty minutes away from each other...

I'll get over it though, just in time to put on my smiley face for the family....

Ahhh....

Well, I guess I'll take this time to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

See you again soon, same time, same place. :)

What the...?

You know, I usually consider myself to have some restraint of personal desire when in public settings. For instance, if someone says something ill advised or off color or inappropriate, I don't respond with my natural knee-jerk response, which might be to cuss that person out, humiliate them, or something else like that. I'm so glad that I have grown.

I was recalling an incident from my teen years with my husband the other day that actually shows how much I've grown. We were discussing how I basically told off a former teacher of mine, in rare form and fashion. I didn't use a single curse word, but I did manage to slice the poor man to shreds.

I remember at the time being proud of myself for telling him off, knowing that he deserved every bit of that tongue lashing, also knowing how revered I would be amongst some of my peers for my radical stance against authority.

Now, though, looking back on that sometimes impetuous girl I was, I am embarrassed. Now, I will admit that I am not ashamed of my behavior, because I was, at the time, justly irate. However, since I have grown and matured (two very key words), I now can recognize the rebelliousness of my actions and complete lack of consideration given to the respect I owed that teacher, if only for his position of authority over me.

I guess I'm saying all of that to say this - no matter the situation and the justification of the anger or frustration you may feel, it is not right to treat someone, anyone, without respect, even if you disagree with their point of view, lifestyle, or anything else about them.

Just wanted to drop some knowledge about something I was thinking about. I know I'm not the wisest or even the smartest, but, perhaps, I hope this can be of help to someone.

Writing...

And writing, and writing...I love to write. In fact, I can't get everything in my head down fast enough. My fingers don't move quickly enough, either by typing or writing with a pen on paper.

My goal, my hope, my prayer is that people all around the world will read what I write and it will provoke them to either thinking and conversations with others that are meaningful and give them an opportunity for growth, or that they are positively impacted in some way and what I have written changes their lives for the better.. That's really what I hope I can accomplish by all this writing.

I do want to entertain, inform, and inspire, but mostly, I hope that people can get a sense of understand and acceptance from what I write, for instance, like one of my characters might speak to someone, and that person might say, "hey, that's me she's talking about", or "hey, I know someone just like this..."

I truly hope that the words I write and the thoughts I give birth to do good to people all over, across the world, and that I get an opportunity to interact with people who have read what I've written and get feedback from them about what I have written.

I hope to elevate the collective consciousness, not necessarily in an activist sort of way, but in a way that causes people to reach out to others in their communities, to become more neighborly, to spark intelligent conversations amongst people of different backgrounds and cultures.

I hope to do this each and everyday. That's why I love to write. That's why I want to write. That's why, hopefully, in the very near future, people will hear me, through my works. And, although I want to be sold in several languages and published all over, it's not about that. It's about making somebody's life better by something I've written.

I really want that to happen. I really want to accomplish something like that for the greater good of all mankind.

So, here I go. Off to perfect my craft and hone my skills. I hope to see you reading my materials one day, proud to know that you knew me when I just had a lil ole blog and a few short stories I was working on.

Thank you so much for reading. You don't know how much it means to me.

Keeping up Appearances and bull#@$%!

I am soooo sick and tired of keeping up appearances. I am SICK AND TIRED of keeping up appearances.

"Don't rock the boat", "Go ahead and accept this person's friend request because you don't want anybody to think that you are mad or anything", "Make sure you speak to that person when you go to this function because you don't want anybody thinking you have a problem with them".

People say these well meaning things, partly to keep people out of their business, but, really, I'm not interested in all that anymore. I have to admit, I used to live in a world, a social network of my life where appearances were better than reality sometimes. It was better for people to think that you and former friends were still friends because it kept everything nice and even. People didn't feel like they couldn't talk to you or whatever else about certain subjects or people because you were keeping up appearances of "normalcy".

I'm so over all of that. If we aren't friends after 11 years, then we still aren't friends. If I see you on Facebook or Myspace or any other place, or I run across your e-mail, or a mutual friend says, "hey, here's so-and-so's number and e-mail, you should keep in touch", I'm probably not interested.

However, because of what's been ingrained in our upbringing, my husband tells me, "do it, and hush, because you need to 'keep up appearances.'"

Wow.

There we are, back at that again.

Maybe one day I'll be able to pretend to care less and fake my way through things that others may perceive as me having feelings about something so that I can properly "keep up appearances".

And, maybe, one day people will stop caring. I hope that happens first.

Loss of a Legend

...but her legacy will continue to thrive, and show to generations to come, what a wonderful light she was to our world.

I recently learned of the passing of an amazing, phenomenal woman who gave birth to another amazing, phenomenal woman. My sister, friend, mentor, and teacher, Dr. C. Anderson lost her mother, the late Mrs. H. Beal. I found out this unsettling and earth moving news on just a couple of days before Thanksgiving this year.

Although I did not have many interactions with Mrs. Beal, the few I did have were full of impact on my life. I was a teenager when I first met her, and she was, as a favor to her daughter, Dr. C., teaching me and another of my friends how to sing this song written by Andre Crouch, entitled Thanks (To God be the Glory).

I was immediately impressed by the playing and singing of this woman, this mother of one very strong and intelligent woman, and grandmother to another, whom I hear is becoming quite the young lady these days...

She made me feel, in just that one meeting of playing and learning the piano, that I could do anything. That I could be anything I wanted to be. She inspired me.

I know that might sound corny, but, I think we all have moments when we meet people, even if only for a brief time, that change our lives, our perspectives, and give us something of themselves that we will carry with us forever.

This is how I feel about this amazing and phenomenal educator, lover of children, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, doting grandmother (and she loved them so!), and follower of Christ.

I pray for the strength of her family, and I know she's in a much better place. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to know her.