This one's for YOU

Okay, so I've got to put this out there, and I'm doing it so that I can be done with it - I hope.

Dear YOU,

No, I'm not going to tell the world who YOU are, and I don't need to. YOU know who YOU are. I'm so ashamed, and I feel like such a fool for letting YOU into my life.

I'm stupid. I've been naive, gullible, and extremely young when dealing with YOU. It's all my fault, actually, because I saw YOU for who YOU were when we first met.

I thought, no, YOU won't be like that with me, YOU will treat me differently because I AM different. I'm not like anyone else YOU have known or decided to get to know. My uniqueness will keep YOU from hurting me because YOU will care about me in a way YOU haven't about anyone else.

I. WAS. WRONG.
I. WAS. FOOLISH.
I. KNEW. BETTER.

But, yet and still, I found a way to trust YOU, against my better judgment, against the warnings and red flags.

Oh, it's okay, it's just YOU, and YOU are my friend, and YOU are looking out for me, and YOU do care about me, YOU even said YOU did.

HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?

Well, I want YOU to know, that I love YOU. I truly love YOU. And YOU don't deserve it. YOU don't love me, not even if YOU tell me so. It's all apart of the game for YOU.

Don't worry, I won't let it happen again. YOU will be last on my list from now on. YOU can wait, and YOU will wait.

YOU will not destroy the happiness I have built with another, YOU will not be able to tell me those sweet words of deception any longer. YOU will just be another acquaintance, if that.

No one needs to know that YOU and I were "close" - because, well, we never were. It was all in my head.

And now, I'm letting YOU go. Move on to the next one, tell her the same lies YOU told me. Maybe she'll fall for it just like I did.

Or, maybe, she'll be smarter and wiser and see YOU coming from a mile off and tell YOU where YOU can go.

YOU might win some, but YOU just lost this one.

I'm out.

Peace.

...I want to get a way....

I want to fly away...yeah, yeah, yeah!!!! I am totally feeling the Lenny Kravitz song right now. I have been to the beach this week, and I really want to go back. I really just wanna stay down there.

So what with reality and bills and stuff. I just wanna go....

away.

I guess I'm in one of those moods. And it would be destined to happen right before the school year starts and all the flurry of activity of prepping my classroom, getting lessons together, thinking about what I'm going to do with my students...on and on and on...sheesh.

It's all I can do, I suppose, to just stay level.

I'm gonna be okay, but sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice to be able to just get up and go and do what it is you want to do EXACTLY at that moment.

All right. That's all for now.

Peace.

I am a bit bummed out right now. I think it's because I want something I don't need.

I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Something. :-(
What else can I do?

Bored. Out of my mind

Okay, so I've been at my computer today, and I've been a little bit upset. I think I've lost soooo much of my writing!!!! I'm really nervous, in fact, that I may have lost too much of one of the best stories I'm currently writing.

I've written some of my stories about my cats, and I am trying to remember others, but they're just gone.

In the age of saving everything on the computer, I'm dumbfounded that I cannot find so many of them - most of which were sent into my writing mentor/instructor for critique.

Okay, so where the heck are my stories????

Anyway, I'm bored to death being at home. I've finally gotten the summer blues, and I need to do something, get away, take a vacation...find some new scenery that isn't the four walls of our apartment.

I'm so sick of being in my house.

Also, equally sad is the fact that my son is a certified homebody. Don't let us leave the house...oh, no...he'll be asking if we're going back home in a matter of 15 minutes. Sometimes, even before we've gotten out of the parking lot properly, he'll express his desire to return home.

Ugh. Who's kid is this again? Can't be mine...I was the kid that wanted to be out in the street all day everyday, and most evenings if allowed.

Have you seen the McDonald's commercial with the little boy who's going on and on about all his activities for the day? "And after karate class, can we paint the tree house yellow? And then, can we...?" It's adorable. It also perfectly describes me. I've always been that way, too.

In fact, if the commercial wasn't so recent, I would wonder if someone from McDonald's sent Ronald to spy on my family. ;-p

Anyway, here's my short term goals.

One, I hope to stop being so bored by trying to write something, anything, and to keep busy that way. Maybe if I just start writing, it'll get me into wanting to write more, and the stories will just flow.

Two. Do more with my son, like dragging him to the park when the sun isn't so high in the sky or taking him swimming, especially since we have a membership to a local rec center.

Okay, that's it for now.

Hopefully, these two short term goals will work out and I won't be so freaking BORED everyday.

That's all I've got, y'all. Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Peace.

Ugh!!! I need something...but I dunno what it is...hmmmm....

Sometimes I look at my son, and eventhough it's been 4 years and 24 days, I find it hard to believe I'm a mom. I am so blessed and thankful. I. Am. A. Mommy.